You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Found your dick twin last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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