Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
