she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
