someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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