There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
