How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
