I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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