She announced her abortion via fbk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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