This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
