I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
