The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize