He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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