Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
