oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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