i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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