You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
