the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
