Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
