i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
