Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
