Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
