3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
