You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
