i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ugly people sure do ruin things
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize