Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize