What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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