marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
