you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
