she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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