I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
