i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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