If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
