I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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