While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
