We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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