I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's the barista slut.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
