dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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