You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
