I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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