i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
