I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
