At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
