dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize