Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
