I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize