MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
