Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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