as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
