dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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