I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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