Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
