Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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