So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
