Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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