dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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