So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
