When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
