Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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