i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
