My first STD was from a foam party
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
