Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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