break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
