OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
