Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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