I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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