As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
