Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize