Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
