How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
