We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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