sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
