So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
